I think my vagina is haunted
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
