Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
