I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
