"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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