I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize