The maid of honor just puked.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
