im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
