is your mom at the bar?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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