my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
