So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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