Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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