she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
