I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
