It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
