Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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