I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
