I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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