roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
