he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
