I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
