oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
