wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
