4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
