Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
