you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
