so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize