Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize