Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
