i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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