you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize