If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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