Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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