you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
