I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
