walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
