So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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