PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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