So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your penis caused this!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
