did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
