Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
