We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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