Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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