Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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