we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
