i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i think my cat just said my name.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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