If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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