When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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