He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
