1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
