We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
