I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
