what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
