I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
