You're completely useless in the revolution.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
