i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
