he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
