Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
