It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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