apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
