I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
