Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
