So drunk its hurt
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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