Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
