so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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