Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Randomize
