You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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