I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
