Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
