i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
