So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
