My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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