he shaved USA in his pubs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
