and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
