The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
