So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
