I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Shame - the story of my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
