I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
