life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
