There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
