I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
