i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
