too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I just put wine in my tea
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
