Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
