Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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