my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
