Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
