I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
